The first thing I do when someone comes to me in the aftermath of a traumatic experience is stay calm. That might sound simple, but it's doing real work. When a person is overwhelmed and the therapist isn't, it communicates something important: what happened can be tolerated. It can be survived. It isn't unthinkable—even if it feels that way right now.
After four years on a crisis line and extensive work with acute trauma through employee assistance programs, I've learned that the early work is mostly about giving the person time and staying close to the obvious. The body's stress response takes time to ebb, and you don't rush it. You name what's there: you're frightened, you're overwhelmed, your body is still responding as if the threat is present. Slowly, the capacity to name experience comes back—and that's not a small thing. It's the beginning of recovery.
The Event Is Rarely the Real Issue
Here's something that surprises most people: the traumatic event itself is rarely the problem. Most people, given time and support, recover from even very difficult events on their own. When they don't, something else is usually interfering—and that something else is almost always older than the event that triggered the crisis.
Consider first responders. It's often not the things they witness that bother them—it's the failures. And to understand why a particular failure lands so hard, you eventually have to understand what drives someone toward that kind of work in the first place. That usually leads somewhere much older and more personal. The trauma lives in the character, not just the event.
What This Means in Practice
Lasting relief from trauma symptoms comes from processing the underlying experience, not from managing the symptoms directly. Think of it like a persistent cough: suppressing it might bring temporary relief, but if something is actually irritating the airway, the cough will keep coming back until that's addressed. Symptoms are the mind's way of signalling unfinished work. The goal is to help that work get done — and when it does, the symptoms resolve on their own.
My approach, whether the trauma is fresh or years old, is the same: start with what's most present, give the person room to approach it at their own pace, and help them find words for what hasn't yet been put into words. Gradually, what felt unthinkable becomes thinkable. The past starts to feel like the past rather than something still happening.
That's what recovery actually looks like.
Richard Sembera is a Registered Psychotherapist and Training Candidate of the Canadian Institute of Psychoanalysis, with extensive experience in trauma and crisis work. He practises in Ottawa and virtually across Ontario. If this resonates, you're welcome to get in touch.